Occupational Hazards
by MiroTheCat
Summary: Leave it to Tony Stark to get lost, find a supervillain, and insist on keeping him. Loki is a bad influence and Bruce concludes he is the only adult present. Adventures, misadventures, and likely FrostIron
1. Chapter 1

You should try hiking, Steve had said. Getting out in nature will be good for you, Steve had said. Tony was going to strangle the fucker if he ever saw him again. Right after he finished building himself a completely waterproof cellphone, that was.

Okay, so falling in the lake had been his own stupid fault for leaning too far off the rocks. He'd admit that, being as there were no witnesses and the only person to admit it to was himself. He could handle his clothes and the contents of his backpack being a bit wet. He'd dry off pretty well in the sun by the time he got back to the car. The downpour that started just as he'd finished wringing out his shirt though...that was just not _fair_.

The hike back to his car was taking far longer than it had on the way out. Tony wanted to say it was just his imagination, but he knew it wasn't. The trail was slippery and the footing hard to see with the angry storm clouds blotting out the sun, making it impossible to move very quickly. Tony cursed himself for not listening when JARVIS tried to tell him the weather forecast as he slipped and slid along, drenched and cold.

The sound of the river, barely audible over the pounding of the rain, was music to Tony's ears. The trailhead and his car with its heater was just a few minutes walk beyond the crossing. Just a few more minutes of this and then he could go home and be warm and never go out in nature again.

Oh. Oh _shit_. Change of plans, he _wasn't_ going to be going home soon. Not until he found another way across the river. The shallows where the trail crossed the river were...not shallow anymore. In fact, they appeared quite deep. And fast. Dangerously so. The river was much too swollen by the rain for him to dare try wading across it. Tony cursed Murphy's Law and set off bushwhacking along the bank in search of a way across or even just someplace to get out of the rain and wait it out.

There was a cave of sorts formed of leaning boulders a ways uphill. Glancing at the still-rising river, Tony decided that looked like the place to be.

Just as he started for the cave, something caught his eye. There was a human figure several yards off in the trees, awkwardly sprawled in the mud. He started in its direction. Whoever it was probably needed help if they were so close to shelter but not availing themself of it, and self-centered though he was, he wasn't going to leave them there. Being an Avenger must have been rubbing off on him.

A flash of lightning illuminated Loki. Wait. _Loki_? What was Loki doing sprawled in the mud in a downpour on Earth? Tony grabbed for his phone to contact S.H.I.E.L.D. or Thor or _somebody_. He certainly wasn't going to try and apprehend a super villain alone without his suit.

His phone was unresponsive. Not even a flicker of life. He should have seen that one coming, really, considering how wet everything was. But more importantly, he was stranded in the woods in the rain next to a river about to spill over its banks with Loki and had no way of calling for help or even telling anybody where he was.

This had to be a trap. There was no other explanation for it. Nobody, not even a crazy super villain and demigod, would sit there in these conditions by choice unless they were trying to lure somebody to come help them so they could attack.

...By choice. But what if it wasn't by choice? Tony edged closer despite himself. What if something really was wrong? They were well away from the trail and Loki wasn't making any effort to attract attention. Hardly what he'd expect of someone trying to lure a victim over to him. He continued his tentative approach, heart pounding.

Now he could see the reason for the god's undignified sprawl. He seemed to have fallen, his foot wedged in the fork of a log and leg twisted such that freeing himself would be difficult or impossible from his position. Tony looked back at the river, noticing with alarm that it had started to flood. He _really_ hoped this wasn't a trap.

A hand on his shoulder brought Loki back to his senses, and he looked dully up at Tony with red-rimmed eyes. Brilliant. An Avenger. He didn't even care. They'd probably take advantage of his trapped state to finish him off. Whatever. He closed his eyes again.

"Hey, don't do that." The hand slid over to the side of his neck now, but it wasn't choking him, just feeling his pulse. "I need you to stay awake for me. I'm gonna get you out of this. You're gonna be okay. Eyes on me." Loki obeyed, not quite sure why, watching woozily as Tony moved down to examine the wood trapping his foot.

Okay, not a trap then. Unless of course someone _else _had set it, but Tony tried not to think about that possibility. Loki was definitely not a hologram, definitely in shock, well and truly stuck in that log, looked like he'd been crying, and it didn't take a doctor to see that his ankle was broken. And the rain hadn't let up, so the river was still rising, inching closer to them. Tony got to work freeing him.

"C'mon, up you get." Tony's doubts about helping his enemy were dulled by the water starting to lap at his boots as he hauled Loki to his feet. "There we go. Lean on me. Don't even try to put weight on that leg, I don't know if I can carry you if you pass out." Not that he was very far from carrying him right now, but every little bit helped.

Loki whined in pain, fresh tears spilling despite himself, as he was lowered to the floor of the cave. The mortal was being gentle, but there was nothing he could do about the stab of pain of his foot touching the floor, and Loki was too dazed for dignity. Which wasn't to say that he didn't struggle when the mortal started undressing him, but the tense "Stop it, I'm saving your life you ungrateful bastard. You're in shock and wet clothes will only make it worse." was enough that he did indeed stop fighting it.

There were an "emergency camping blanket" and a first aid kit in the bottom of his backpack. Tony thanked the powers that be for JARVIS and the robots not trusting him to pack for himself. They were even still sealed in their original packaging. Original _waterproof _packaging. Tony looked longingly at the (larger than ought to fit in that package, but still rather small) blanket, but then threw it over Loki and commenced feeling around in the dark for any wood he could burn. Or use for a splint. Both were important, if he was remembering correctly that lecture on first aid that Fury had made them sit through.

Fury. Oh shit, The others would have a field day with this. Not that Tony felt like he had any choice. He couldn't have sat in his elevated sort-of-dry cave and watched the flood water rise around a trapped injured person even if it _was_ Loki. Nor was he going to not at least _try_ to perform first aid. He wasn't a monster.

Loki gingerly pushed himself up, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He was lying on a dirt floor, naked but for his underwear and wrapped in a light blanket. There was a small fire burning a few feet away, his clothes spread out next to it. His ankle was crudely splinted and in considerable pain. Oh. That was right. He vaguely remembered Stark trying to bandage it. Evidently he'd passed out during the process. And speaking of the man, there he was, ducking back inside out of the rain with an armload of wood to dry by the fire.

"Well look who's awake. How're you feeling, sleeping beauty?"

"A little woozy still." He shifted, wincing at the movement, to lean on the cave wall. "I'm surprised you didn't take the opportunity to finish me off."

"I don't like killing if I can help it. I'm surprised you didn't magic yourself out of that little mess."

"My magic got drained. Why haven't you just called your little buddies to bail you out and capture me?"

Tony smirked a little. "What, Chitauri angry with you? And my phone is dead."

Loki glared, but it wasn't exactly threatening when Tony knew he was magicless, dizzy, and couldn't put weight on one leg. "Their master is a little irritated that their hold over me was broken. Though that's really the doing of your troop of goons."

Tony did a double take. He'd thought he was imagining it earlier, but there _was_ something a little different about the god's eyes. "They mind controlled you like you did Hawkeye and Selvig."

"Something similar though with not quite the same results." He admitted. "It is harder to control me so I was not as mindless as the mortals, but any inhibitions that would have interfered with their plans were silenced."

They surveyed one another warily from across the fire. "Well this is an improvement over our last meeting, even if we _are_ stuck here."

Loki looked out at the floodwaters. "I must thank you for saving me. I would not like to still be trapped out there."

"You're awfully polite for a super villain."

"I'm a _prince_. I was raised at court. Of course I know manners. And I thought we established that I was mind controlled when I did those villainous deeds."

"Oh I'm sorry, does being called a super villain offend you your princeliness?"

"...the correct term is Highness." Loki shot him a look like he wasn't sure if he was trying to be annoying or was just uneducated. Tony decided this was fun.

"Oh, that's the new politically correct term? My bad. I'm old fashioned. I don't keep up with these things. A villain is a villain."

"Now I _know_ you're just trying to get on my nerves."

Tony grinned. "Bite me."

"You wish."

* * *

_I'm not real happy that yet another story is being begun by Loki getting hurt. But...they had to be forced together __**somehow. **__And this was actually the second Avengers fanfic that I started, an idea I had while writing Silver Lining and wrote down so I wouldn't forget it, so at the time I hadn't yet done it as many times._

_I got to interact with college freshmen. It was scary. They're so young and full of hope. Was I like that when I was their age?_


	2. Chapter 2

When he wasn't mind controlled into leading an alien army, Loki was... not so bad. Intelligent, cultured, and yet still able to keep up and roll with his cruder quips. Tony's kind of guy. God. Whatever. He wanted to see what the god was like when he wasn't debilitated by pain and shock. If he was being completely honest with himself, he wanted to see him period, in the most literal sense. He, well, had the body of a god. Tony was enjoying the eye candy provided by Loki's current shortage of clothing enough to keep conveniently forgetting to check if his clothes were dry.

So what next? Tony moved to the sunbeams at the cave's mouth, hoping the distance would be enough to avoid waking the still-sleeping god with his coughs. The rain had stopped during the night and the water level was dropping, so soon they'd be able to leave. And just in time, too, as they had run out of granola bars.

He knew he ought to deliver Loki to S.H.I.E.L.D. as soon as they got out of these damned woods, or even abandon him there and call from his car for a team to go retrieve him, but he didn't want to. He wasn't good at following rules or protocol, and Loki hadn't done anything this time that he knew of. Nobody had seen him since his return to Asgard, and in Tony's opinion not trusting someone wasn't good enough reason to manhandle someone as S.H.I.E.L.D. was likely to do. No, it was settled. Loki was coming home with him. He'd have medical attention and privacy, and they'd figure out what happened next when they got to that point.

"Hang in there." Stark eased him into the car, and Loki leaned his head back against the seat, fighting the still-present dizziness. "We'll have a doctor waiting back at my place to get you properly fixed up." He slid into his own seat and started the car. "Call the big guy."

"Calling Doctor Bruce Banner, affirmative."

He picked up on the first ring. "Tony! Where have you been? I was about to tell the others you'd gone missing!"

"Glad you didn't. I'll give you the story later. Do you suppose you can handle seeing Loki without the other guy making an appearance?"

"...wouldn't you _want_ the other guy to show up if he's back?"

In the passenger seat, Loki was looking nervous. Tony shot him a reassuring smile. "No, the aliens were mind controlling him. You undid it, or the other guy did, cognitive recalibration, remember? Anyway, he needs medical attention and I'm bringing him home because I'm afraid that anywhere else won't be safe for him after everything and I know you won't hold destructive temporary insanity against him. 'Cause, y'know, that'd be kinda hypocritical..."

"Shut up Tony." Bruce warned him, "You don't want to tick me off."

"Right. And could you _not_ tell anybody he's here, especially not anyone associated with S.H.I.E.L.D.? Like I said, not safe. And have JARVIS air out a guest room."

They could practically _hear_ the doctor roll his eyes. "Sometimes I think Calcutta was safer than living with you. But I suppose we could hold down the fort between us if necessary. How bad's he?"

"Broken ankle, shock, been in and out of consciousness a couple times, I don't know what else. Hey Loki, got any more injuries I don't know about?"

"Dunno." The car ride didn't seem to be sitting well with him, voice tight and pain clear on his face as every tiny vibration of the car sent shockwaves through his leg.

The pain evident in the trickster's voice softened Bruce. "I'll go help JARVIS get that guest room ready. Try to keep him conscious."

Rarely did Bruce feel a conflict between the doctor and the avenger, but that was mostly because he'd never been in a position of being asked to treat an enemy before. Usually it was very straightforward what was right. Bad guys were bad and were trying to do bad things that he needed to make them stop doing. Everyone else was good and innocent and should be protected and helped. The two didn't overlap. Until now. Leave it to Tony Stark to go missing and somehow find an injured supervillain in the process.

If he was being honest with himself, Loki really did look kind of pathetic when Tony pushed him into the guest room on a rolling desk chair, especially compared to every other time they'd seen him. He wasn't wearing armor but rather ordinary-almost earthly-looking button down shirt and pants with one leg slit open to allow for the crude splint on it. There was no arrogance in his face or body, just pain and fear and resignation, clearly not at all comfortable with the company of the people he had so recently fought but still not resisting. Okay, conflict...diminished.

He sized up the god. Tall but very lean. Bruce was disproportionately strong even when the Other Guy wasn't visiting, and that came in handy at times like this. "Hi Loki. Don't be surprised, I'm going to pick you up now so we can try and get you moved with as little jostling as possible." Loki nodded jerkily, but Bruce felt him tremble at the touch.

Loki was stoic, doing his best to hide his pain when his foot contacted the bed and staying quiet as Bruce checked his vitals and did a very quick exam for any serious damage Tony had failed to mention, but his wide eyes (wow they were green, no trace of blue whatsoever, maybe he really had been mind controlled) and pounding pulse spoke clearly of his terror at the whole process. Bruce wondered if he had any prior knowledge of how medicine worked on Earth. Asgardian doctors probably did it all with magic.

"I'm going to give you something for the pain now so that I can set your ankle." He warned, taking a guess at Loki's weight and measuring out a dose of morphine. "I don't know if this will be as effective on you as it is on humans, so you need to tell me if you're still in pain." He could practically _see_ the spike in the god's pulse when he gave him the shot. Evidently that was something they didn't do in Asgard. Bruce was starting to really feel sorry for the guy.

"How's it feeling?" While they waited for the morphine to kick in, Bruce had rolled the sliced pant leg up out of his way and begun very carefully removing the splint and examining the ankle. For all that Tony had appeared to be tuning out all of the lectures on first aid, he thankfully had known enough to not try to move anything and just immobilize it in exactly the position it was in. It _looked_ ugly, but Bruce could see exactly where the break was and although it was clearly displaced it wasn't compound and the break looked clean.

"Is it fixed?" He looked more relaxed, if still a little dizzy.

"Not yet, but if it's feeling better that means the medicine I gave you is working and I can start putting the bones back where they should be." He looked up at the ceiling (why he always did that he didn't know, there was no need) "JARVIS, tell Tony to come in here in case I need another set of hands."

"On his way, sir."

In his own room down the hall, Tony groaned. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to be helpful, he certainly did, but he wasn't feeling well and would have preferred to avoid anything that might risk Bruce discovering that. He didn't terribly like doctors doing things to him, even when the doctor was his friend and teammate and lived with him.

Loki was impressed by these human drugs. His ankle had felt really quite good until the doctor had grabbed it and started _pulling_ and _twisting_. But there was no time to think about that, because he'd been hit by an intense wave of pain and dizziness and nausea made all the more intense by the comparison to a second before. He dove for the wastebasket that one of the humans shoved in his direction.

Bruce ceased what he was doing and surveyed the scene before him. Loki was retching into a wastebasket, Tony pressing on his hip with one hand in an attempt to keep his leg from moving and clumsily holding his hair back with the other. He winced sympathetically. "Right. Clearly gods require a higher dosage of morphine than us mortals. Duly noted."

This time, Loki could barely feel the doctor working, and it certainly didn't hurt. In fact, he was straight-up high as a kite and he knew it. He _should_ have been concerned about being this mentally impaired in the company of _avengers_, but he just couldn't seem to muster any sort of concern. The world was just too _pleasant_ for negative feelings. Stark was brushing his hair back out of his face, and it felt good, so he couldn't help leaning into the touch. He liked being petted. That's why he enjoyed transforming into a cat. He wished he could turn into a cat right now. Stupid Thanos draining his magic. The mortal clearly picked up on his enjoyment of being petted, because he kept at it, adding the faintest touch of nails raking over his scalp that made Loki almost purr.

Finished setting Loki's ankle, Bruce looked at the head of the bed with amusement. He'd gotten a god _high. _Loki was practically in Tony's lap and Tony was _petting_ him.

"Care to explain how you managed this one?"

"Took a hike on Steve's suggestion. Turned around because it started pouring. Couldn't get back across the river crossing because the water was too high, so I went looking for another place to cross. Found this guy sprawled in the mud with his leg caught in log way off any path, and the floodwater was getting close, so I rescued him." His tone was light, but something in his eyes dared Bruce to argue. He didn't.

"Well, you were right he needed help. Any idea how he got there?" He would have preferred to ask him himself, but the god appeared to have fallen asleep.

"Not sure. His magic is drained though, courtesy of some aliens who aren't pleased about their mind-control of him getting broken."

"That does back up the mind control claims. What about you, are you alright?"

"Dude, have you _seen_ his _eyes_? It's pretty clear."

"You haven't answered my question.

Damn. "I'm tired. It's been a long last couple of days." He was very proud of himself for managing not to cough in front of Bruce. He should probably remove himself from his friend's company soon though so he could stop holding it in.

Bruce eyed him critically. "Go take a nap. I'll stay with our guest in case he wakes up." Tony jumped at the opportunity. As soon as he was out the door, Bruce addressed JARVIS. "Inform me if he shows signs of becoming ill."

"Already is, sir. His temperature is elevated and he has been coughing since his return."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Predictable. There's cold medicine in the bathroom, tell him to take some and let me know if he doesn't or he gets worse."

"Yes sir."

Loki awoke in a large bed with his ankle throbbing but much less so than it had been and very thoroughly immobilized. His head was still a little fuzzy, but he wasn't truly _high_ anymore. He sat up tentatively. Nope, not dizzy anymore. That was a relief.

The man who became the Hulk was sitting nearby with a book, and looked up at the movement. "Hey, feeling better?"

"Much. I suppose now you're going to try and lock me up." He was proud of himself for keeping his voice level, but inside he was terrified. He had no magic, no weapons, and couldn't even walk. They could do pretty much anything they wanted and he'd be helpless.

The doctor shrugged. "Not if you don't give us a reason to. Tony brought you here rather than turning you in, didn't he? He thinks you're redeemable."

Loki nearly blushed, looking down awkwardly. "I am grateful to be patched up and given another chance, and very sorry for the things I did while under the control of the Chitauri. I would not have behaved that way in my right mind."

Bruce smiled at the change in the young god. "Despite my better judgement, I believe you. The change in the color of your eyes is really quite obvious, and when we met before you were nothing like Thor's stories suggested. Now...now I can see them being possible."

That earned a wry smile. "I doubt any of his stories are actually possible, the way he embellishes things."

"Sir?" JARVIS interrupted, "I detect an increase in Mr. Stark's body temperature and frequency of coughing at my latest assessment."

Bruce stood up, rolling his eyes. "Damnit Tony. Sorry Loki, I need to go force some medicine into him." He pulled a pair of crutches out of the closet and leaned them within reach of the bed. "In case you feel the need to explore. JARVIS will keep tabs on you and direct you wherever you want to go within reason."

Exploring didn't sound like a bad idea, especially after not having had proper food in a while. Loki pushed the blankets back and inspected the thing immobilizing his ankle. It was definitely more secure than a splint, and very bright neon green. He supposed it wasn't exactly a secret that his favorite color was green, but leave it to Stark to have such a crazy shade of bandages on hand.

It took a few minutes to get the hang of hopping about on the crutches, but only a few. Loki was a quick learner. "JARVIS?" He asked, tentatively, "Could you direct me to the kitchens?"

Tony was woken from his nap by a weight on the edge of his bed. How had Bruce gotten in? He was sure he'd locked the door.

"You really shouldn't lie to me about being sick." The other man commented mildly, "You'll feel better much faster if you let me help you."

"I'm not sick."

"Really? JARVIS tells me your temperature is elevated and you've been coughing."

"Traitor."

"Shut up and let me listen to your lungs."

* * *

_Yeah, for some reason I really enjoy getting Loki high. Also, to repeat what Bruce says several times a day, "Damnit, Tony." Yeah, this is going to be a fun household. *snrk*_

_Fun fact of the day: Toads do not like it when you try to instagram them. Who knew?_


	3. Chapter 3

"So how does my humble abode compare to your palace?" Tony flopped dramatically into the chair across the kitchen table from Loki.

"Oh, uh, less ornate. More sleek than grand. Harder to get lost in. No two-faced gossipy courtiers underfoot."

"Is that a good thing?"

Loki shrugged. "It's different. It's not a bad thing. I imagine it fits your needs better than the palace would. And the lack of courtiers is indisputably a plus."

Tony looked incredulous. "Really? But don't you enjoy having people fawning over you trying to gain favor?"

Loki huffed and gingerly resettled his leg on the chair where he'd propped it up. "Hardly. They're terrible company and shallower than a puddle. I'd much rather read or do experiments or take a horse out for a ride. And I wasn't terribly high on their list of people to butter up either."

"But… You're a prince."

"The second son, not the heir. Unpopular because I was not fair and brawny like they believed a man should be. Not manly enough in my tastes. Frequently in trouble. A poor example of the race, especially in comparison to my perfect brother. They paid me the respect due to a prince but figured their energy was better spent gaining the favor of others."

"That's dumb. If they thought Thor was perfect, they must not value brains like at _all_."

"They don't." The metaphorical storm cloud over Loki's head was almost tangible. "It was shameful that I enjoyed my studies, even if nobody dared say as much to my face."

"Well, that's not shameful _here._" Tony declared, "And in fact, in _my_ house, being a genius is _encouraged_. We're all geniuses here." He sat up straight, looking like a kid at christmas. "Oh. My. God. We are going to have such fun. It's cool having Bruce for my science bro and all that, but he's so annoyingly modest and shy and hates extravagance and stuff, and I just can't understand that because, I mean, I'm practically royalty here, that's just what I _do_, but _you_'re _actually_ royalty so you can totally handle my 'silly frivolities' that he doesn't like, _plus_ you can keep up with us intellectually, so- Eep!" Bruce had been standing unnoticed behind him for some time, arms crossed and one eyebrow raised in something between amusement and irritation, and had finally grabbed him by the back of his collar. "How long have you been there? _Loki why didn't you tell me he was standing behind me?_"

Loki grinned goofily. "Because I'm the god of mischief and I'm the slightest bit buzzed on painkillers and it's not my fault you're unobservant."

Bruce fixed Tony with a stern look. "Go back to bed. You're still quite feverish and your cough hasn't let up any. And don't even _think_ about bringing coffee with you. You need rest, not caffeine."

"But-"

"Bed. Now. Or I will sedate you."

"JARVIS, don't let him."

"I will not be getting involved in this."

"Traitor." Tony slunk out of the room.

Bruce rolled his eyes and turned to Loki. "Come with me down to the lab. I've got the machinery in working order now, so I want to take some x-rays to make sure your bones are setting right."

* * *

"Yeesh, you sure can sulk like nobody else." Loki sat down uninvited on Tony's bed, surprising him.

"You're going to get yelled at for interfering with my rest." He grumbled.

Loki grinned. "Maybe, maybe not. It so happens that Doctor Banner decided to take a nap, so as long as we cause no explosions..."

"Decided? He didn't have any help from you, did he?" Despite his sulking and illness, Tony couldn't help but perk up a little.

"My magic may be drained, but I still know my herbs and he conveniently favors loose tea."

Now Tony was officially curious. "You can do that with just what was in my kitchen? What'd you _do_?"

"Certainly. Nothing remotely harmful, of course, but kitchen herbs are quite sufficient to make a person feel somewhat relaxed and drowsy."

"…and decide that a nap sounds good and be less likely to Hulk out if we do stuff that annoys him." Tony was truly grinning now. "You have _got_ to teach me that trick some time."

"It's very simple. All I did was hide his jar of tea leaves and replace it with one filled with a mixture of mint and chamomile. He was so engrossed in the paper he was reading, he didn't even seem to notice that it tasted different."

Tony grabbed his tablet off his nightstand and created a new document. "You know what, let's make a To Do list. I get the feeling this is the start of a beautiful friendship." _Fun with kitchen herbs,_ he wrote down. "Ooh, if only catnip worked on people."

"Catnip does in fact have an effect on humans." Loki and JARVIS corrected him simultaneously.

"It does? I wonder if catnip works on superhumans. Or the Hulk." They locked gazes. "That is so happening."

"You know," Loki commented, "I'd be interested in learning about hacking. The mischief I could cause…"

"I'm teaching you." Tony added that to the list. "If you'll teach me some of the stuff the aristocrats were supposed to know how to do."

"Hmmm. Riding a horse, dancing, fencing…"

"You had to learn to dance? Wait. But that means _Thor_ can dance. I totally can_not_ see him dancing. Except maybe drunkenly with his hammer."

Loki smirked. "I never said he could dance _well_. And yes, he's done that before when the court ladies tired of him stepping on their feet and ceased dancing with him."

"Wait, seriously? He's capable of getting drunk? Right, I guess you guys have stronger alcohol than we do."

Loki shrugged, a sparkle in his eye belying his innocent expression. "Ah, well, he was younger then and not yet drinking like a grown man. He'd already had as much as Mother would let him at dinner, and the punch at the ball wasn't _supposed_ to be alcoholic."

"You spiked the punch at some sort of court ball." Tony started laughing and immediately succumbed a coughing fit. "How…old…were…you?"

"I would have been about twelve that time, I should think." Loki was thoughtful. "I have the impression that Thor had just discovered girls at the time, so he must have been in his early teens."

"You did that a lot?"

"Quite a lot. What else is a dateless young man supposed to do at a dance?"

"You didn't have dates to the balls?"

"Once. Father was pressuring me to stop being so antisocial and bring a date for once, so I did. I'm not sure whether the courtiers were more horrified that my date was a commoner or a man. Suffice to say, I was no longer pressured to bring a date."

"What, you didn't bring a horse?" Tony snickered. Loki spluttered indignantly for a moment, then clobbered the engineer with his own pillow.

* * *

_If you guys have suggestions of mischief for the two of them to get into, I'd be interested to hear them. I have a list of gags I want to use but I could definitely use more._

_Conferences are expensive...On one hand, I'd LOVE to present in DC this coming spring. On the other, the registration fee for the conference is a little scary._


	4. Chapter 4

"I didn't know you were a Harry Potter fan." Tony leaned against the doorframe. "Actually, I kind of forgot I even owned the books."

Loki shrugged. "Neither did I until this morning."

Tony choked on his coffee. "You read the first 3 and some books already today?!"

"Indeed. I was bored." Loki read another passage, laughed, and finally looked up from the book. "The style of magic portrayed takes some getting used to when accustomed to the sort that I do, but I'm rather enjoying the antics of the twins."

Tony took a moment to remember which characters those were, then laughed too. "You would. What'd they do this time?"

Loki extended the book to him and pointed out a passage.

"Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."  
"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred.  
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"  
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it."

Tony snorted and started coughing again. Loki patted him on the back absentmindedly. "I may have to use that one on someone once my magic returns."

Coughing under control again, Tony smirked. "You don't have to wait. I did promise to teach you to hack computers, and we may not have dragons here, but I'm sure we could manage to reroute some fertilizer deliveries."

Loki put down the book, delicately raising one eyebrow. "Anywhere in particular you were thinking?"

"Fury's personal inbox, of course!"

"What clearance level do you figure that takes?"

"Ridiculously high. JARVIS?"

"On it, sir."

"Cool. And drop us down a screen to link to my tablet. I want to do this one by hand so Loki can watch."

* * *

Bruce looked up from his work, concentration broken by his stomach growling loudly. What? But breakfast couldn't have been all that long ago. He checked his watch. It read 2 pm. Wait, really? 2 pm? That couldn't be right.

"JARVIS, what time is it?"

"It is 2:01 pm, Pacific Time. Would you like me to call Mr. Stark and Mr. Odinson to lunch?"

"No, I'll go check on them myself." He straightened his workspace and headed for the elevator. "Send me to the right floor?"

Seriously though, how was that possible? Going two hours without some sort of disruption, usually in the form of a crash or explosion from Tony's workshop, was practically unheard of, let alone five.

No, but Tony was still sick. Maybe he was actually behaving himself and taking it easy. Introducing Loki to a movie series or something.

A quiet movie marathon with Tony Stark and Loki the God of Mischief? Even in his head that didn't sound right. Sure, Tony was sick and Loki was meek and sore and slightly dopey from painkillers right now, but there was no way that the two of them together wouldn't get into trouble just by virtue of being them. They'd probably get distracted from the movie by trying to build a quantum popcorn popper and accidentally invent a new explosive compound.

With a feeling of impending doom, Bruce headed off in search of lunch and his housemates.

* * *

"What are you two up to?" They jumped and turned. Bruce was standing in the doorway, looking suspicious.

Loki grinned, innocent expression belying their true intentions. "Tony's teaching me how computers work! Who'd've thought the All-Tongue would help with learning to program, right?"

"See, Doc? We're taking it easy just like you said." Tony chimed in, "We're not doing anything remotely physical."

Bruce eyed the screen. It certainly didn't look like they were in the middle of a programming lesson to him. Something, certainly, but not a programming lesson. "That's not what I'm worried about right now."

* * *

_I am so sorry about the long wait and short chapter. My life hands been insane lately. I'm leaving where I am now in favor of greener pastures closer to my RP group with hopefully nicer colleagues, so I'm in the process of trying to get interviews places, and trying to get all the loose ends here wrapped up before I leave. And this has been written for weeks, but I wanted to make it longer but also wanted it to end where it did, so eventually I gave up and left it this way._

_Please make requests of gags you want to see! I still need more stuff to happen while they heal._


End file.
